As an American in Australia

If there was a far end of the earth, Australia would be it. No wonder the English shipped the bad boys and girls there (R.I.P Ned Kelly). That's what I remember thinking during the 15.5 hour straight shot from L.A. to Sydney. Coming from the States you get to fly straight through the center of the Pacific and over the equator. If we went down I would choose a gun over a raft. Even if they came for survivors with a sea plane it would take them at least 10 hours to get there.  Yeah! I would take my own life before I would wade in the water for 10 hours.  Do you know how pruney I would get? Oh, and both the sharks and possibility of sharks wouldn't be any fun either.  After all of that flying, we landed in the Sydney Airport, which was my first amphibious airport. So as we were landing I saw water, water, water, then some water, ok more water (isn't there supposed to be land somewhere), water, WATER (50 meters), WATER (I mentally brace for impact), aaaaaand then I see land and hear the tires squeal almost a second later. "G'die and welcome ta Astralia."

There were some feelings that I got from Australia in the year that I lived there from day one till I left. One was that everyone from the Prime Minister (even if he is lame) to the 7 year old girl has a very similar relaxed and informal take on life; not in some backwards hillbilly way either. I just felt welcome to be as casual and comfortable as I could be in most situations; except in high end restaurant, for example. They had class too.

Secondly, their food seemed almost flavorless to me. I could order a beautiful looking chicken alfredo at a nice restaurant and it would feel like I was only smelling it from someone who had ordered the dish at the table next to me (you how you can taste smells sometimes?). Granted, I was coming from a land of excessive ingredients (especially salt), donuts, and McSugarFatBurgers, but even at the end of my assignment there I still didn't adjust to seeing more crust than cheese on my pizza. And then there was the matter of their insane love for beets. Beets on burgers? Whatever, you can keep it. Do your thing.

If you ever find your way over there and get invited to a barbeque you should definitely go because Aussies know how to have a good time on and create a fun atmosphere. However, if they try to tell you that they're grilling some burgers you should be prepared that they'll be cooking probably be cooking risoles, which are almost like big meatballs, and then they'll have a bun 5 times that size for to eat it with. I asked a trustworthy Aussie what the deal was with this and he pretty much just thought it wasn't a problem at all. I mean, its like eating a Vienna sausage in a regular hotdog bun. That's a huge deal to me. Maybe it's just me though. Their cereal aisles were made up of about 15 types of bran cereal, 7 types of corn flakes, and 1 type of cereal with taste. I think it was imported from the U.S. Best cereal country in the world. There are so many places that have never seen Cinnamon Toast Crunch. It's sad.

Another thing I couldn't get over while I was there was their well-groomed cities. They really took care of their communities. It was almost like they cared for their cities. This was something very weird to me as an American. I lived in the nation's capital, Canberra. I remember counting days before I would see a single piece of trash on the side of the road. Usually when I did see some trash it was from trash that had fallen out of a trash can that had been blown over by the wind or something. The city had trees everywhere and a few huge hills that you could walk to the top of and see over the place. I don't remember seeing one piece of ugly billboard or other ugly advertisement that ruins the look of so many American cities that would be beautiful otherwise. The odd thing was that it was designed by an American. Even other cities that I visited that were heavily populated (Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Gold Coast) were always well maintained and were visually impressive. Australians love their cars like Americans do, but haven't ruined their gorgeous cities by surrounding themselves with overbearing highways.

The last big thing I couldn't get over was how kindly everyone took to me when they heard my American accent. I felt like I could pretty easily blend in until I opened my mouth, and then everyone seemed much more interested. It wouldn't take them too long to get uninterested because of my lame conversational skills, but for that first moment I had them ever time. It would be the same as hearing some Aussie's accent in the States. Whatever they have to say is always more interesting; even if they are talking shit about how American football is weak because of all the pads and rugby is better (as if they are all just walking briskly around in sumo wrestling suits or something). There was always a big "myth" in the Marine Corps that Aussie chicks loved Americans and that all you had to do is talk to them and you were golden for the rest of the night. I was always pretty skeptical because I had never seen anything like it. I was basically wrong, and boy was I happy about it. I think I'm a perfect example of this true myth because I have an almost girly, timid approach to getting with girls and it still worked. Or something. I feel like I throw out a little too much info sometimes, but there is way too much funny in truth that I can't always resist; even if I am the butt of the joke. Honestly though, it was one of those things that might sound slutty to Americans, but from what I saw the girls were just very comfortable and open with having sex. They knew they enjoyed it and weren't ready to get married, so having the occasional fling wasn't as taboo as in the States. Basically, they had similar mindsets to guys and everyone was o.k. with it.

There are many different regions of the U.S. and I know that usually large cities have a larger crowd of more free thinking adults, which means there are more girls that are more open to casual sex.  However, even if you compare the average college student at a club or bar in D.C. (population 581,000)to an Aussie girl at a club or bar in her capital of Canberra (population 327,000) the Aussie girl wins every time for openness toward showing interest in guys.  To me, there are less games to be played with an Aussie girl.  

In a single guy's world who isn't looking to settle down who is looking to me a girl for either dating or just a one night stand everything is very simple.  You meet a girl and almost automatically know wether she meets your physical standards or not.  All you would have to worry about then is wether or not she was interested in you and why.  With Aussie girls this played out pretty easily for me through casual conversation.  With American girls I have found that you have to show interest, but if you show too much then you have overstepped your boundaries.  There is a game to be played with rules that must be abided by.  They are more reserved with how they liked to be approached about sex unless they are the girl that went out with full intentions or they are older and just know what they want.  With Aussie girls, I couldn't really find a game or rules other than don't be an asshole.  The atmosphere in America is edgy and wound, while the atmosphere in Oz is laid back.  The atmosphere comes into play with dating in these countries too.

I know that it seems that every country is known for its drinking, but Australia is my all around favorite so far. It has heaps of delicious beer, top notch white wine, and more great beer. They have a different take on alcoholism too. I was talking to an Aussie friend over there about how you could easily be considered an alcoholic if you went out to drink at a local pub 4 days a week. Not a raging alcoholic, but an alcoholic nonetheless. After a brief intermission to let him laugh it off, followed by a sigh of pity for me and my country, he began to tell me a story of an Aussie version of an alcoholic. It sounded like a joke as he explained to me how a regular at the very bar we were in used to polish off 8 pints a night at the very least. When the guy had the money he would easily make it 12 pints in a night. I expressed major concern for this guys health and Matty (guy telling the story) agreed that it was quite dangerous and mentioned that he did end up having problems. The guy hadn't been to the bar in a while he said. So, apparently, just after you are diagnosed with cirrhosis you are considered an alcoholic. To be fair, most Aussies I met were very responsible with their drinking, in my opinion, and were quick to get a taxi if they were drunk. Unless of course they were irresponsible.

Maybe this isn't the most interesting subject, but money was friggin' sweet. Well, their bills were anyway. They were vibrantly colored, a different color and size for each bill, and they had little, clear, and uniquely designed plastic windows in the corner of each bill. The coins on the other hand... Yeah, the coins were all fucked up. The $2 coin was the smallest, the 1 cent coin was made out of plastic, and 50 cent coin weight about 2 lbs and was the size of small plate. Literally, it was at least 2 inches in diameter. I always carried one on me for protection.