Communication

Often, American conversations tend to be a search for information. Americans ask a lot of questions, and they are very direct. Their replies to questions may seem abrupt. They are not cautious about their intent or meaning. For example, if the answer to a request is no, generally Americans will simply reply “No.” They may add a brief explanation as to why they are declining the request, but no does mean no. The answer of no does not mean that it is time to start negotiating. Such a direct answer is done without any sign of embarrassment. It is simply communicating a piece of information.

In the past few days I've been startled by people not taking "no" for an answer - requests for help or information, invitations to parties, one person even refused to accept (from my point of view) that no, I don't have cable.

What Can I Talk About?
One might expect that, in an environment where directness is valued in communication, all topics are appropriate for conversation. That is not really true. Some topics that are generally discussed with acquaintances or those one does not know well:
• The weather
• One’s commuting experience and cars
• Classes and jobs
• Sports
• Music, movies
• Fashion, shopping, and clothes

Topics not to discuss unless you know the people well:
• Money, how much one earns
• Family
• Religion

I would add politics and sex to that list. ESPECIALLY sex - in a town like DC (and with an election around the corner) I don't see how you can avoid politics altogether, but sex is a big taboo in American society. My American friend Jim traveled to France with me last year and was shocked (and slightly horrified) by how freely my relatives discuss sex - though not so much their own sex lives as their theories about the sex lives of celebrities, President Sarkozy and each other. Meanwhile, discussions of money and salary are completely taboo in France. There is a strong sense of shame attached to having money - but that'll be for another day.

Another area that can be confusing is humor. Americans often use humor to make their points or to diffuse uncomfortable situations. Humor frequently relies on shared experiences and understandings that a newcomer may lack. That may lead to misunderstandings. This difficulty exists for Americans, too. They may not understand humor that is clear to you. For example, the subtle British style of humor is often puzzling to Americans. If you think of humor as another form of language, you can relax and realize that, over time, you too will speak this language and share the amusing moments.

I was talking about that with a British acquaintance of mine - she was telling me how much she hates the American version of "The Office," which I think is hilarious. I, on the other hand am amused by the British version but don't find it nearly as funny as she does. In the US puns are seen as a childish form of humor, whereas in France they are considered very witty and one of the highest forms of humor. Asterix et Obelix Mission Cleopatre is a terrific example of French punny humor at its finest. In addition to word plays it's full of clins d'oeil (winks), or a tongue-in-cheek historical or cultural allusion.